Megan

It started when she was 12, in 2019 and entering middle school. Megan felt pressure to excel, to be more than average. Her self-worth became tied to the praise she would garner, and she started to believe that her true qualities were reflected in the decisions she made about her body. She began to obsess over exercise and food, trying to prove herself, that she was a good person, worthy of love and acceptance. She thought it showed dedication and self-discipline, which she believed were the most important things. Little did she know, that wasn’t true. It was an illness disguised as those qualities.

Megan’s eating disorder began as a way to prove herself and earn love. She struggled with restrictive eating and over-exercising, and it took a toll on her body. She was admitted into the outpatient program at Kingston’s Hotel Dieu Hospital where she was diagnosed with anorexia. It was a big change, and Megan quickly realized how much it took out of her family. They began family-based therapy, but it created a lot of distrust. Over time - after a year in that program – Megan’s behaviours went underground: she lied about everything and did many things she is ashamed of, all to protect the illness that had taken over her. Even after being discharged in 2020, she continued to struggle in secret.

A couple years later, Megan decided she didn’t want to live like that anymore. Her behaviours were becoming more noticeable again, and her quality of life was terrible. She connected with a private psychotherapist for what her family thought was anxiety, but with the professional support she was able to reveal that she was struggling with much more than what she had shown.

In 2023, Megan was admitted to a local hospital Day Treatment for four months. During that time, her condition actually worsened. None of the treatments seemed to work. Under a lot of pressure and despair, Megan began losing the will to live. She was fighting to hold on to the illness even though it worried everyone around her. Megan’s parents encouraged her to find another source of help, and that’s when they found Ontario Shores.

At Ontario Shores is when things finally started to get better. After being referred to other hospital-based programs but considered ‘not sick enough’ for long-term admission, Ontario Shores taught Megan that not being satisfied with your life is reason enough to seek help.

For Megan, the best part of Ontario Shores was the people. She stayed in the inpatient Adolescent Eating Disorders Unit (EDU) for four months, from January to May 2024. The staff were so supportive. They saw Megan as a person and helped her separate her illness from her identity. The other patients also inspired her: she formed some of the deepest connections she’s ever had as they shared so many commonalities, wanting to support each other. Megan was finally in a place where, even though she still struggled with self-harm, she knew she wasn’t alone. The staff and peers supported her through those dark times. Even when there was nothing to say, they stood by her and offered tools to help.

Megan began to see that life was worth living, not just surviving. She had truly thought she wasn’t going to live long, but Ontario Shores gave Megan the hope she needed.

Discharged from the inpatient EDU in late May, Megan transitioned to the EDU Day Treatment program. Because they lived in Kingston, Megan stayed with her mom in Whitby during the week so she could attend Day Treatment, then went home on weekends. Returning home was difficult because of all the painful memories tied to home, but with Ontario Shores’ support Megan learned how to cope.

In September 2024, Megan returned to school. With the help of her teachers and the Day Treatment program, she earned a few credits, which boosted her confidence. It felt like the beginning of a new life. It wasn’t easy, and it wasn’t a flip of a switch, but she knew that she had support.

It was around this time that Megan received heartbreaking news. A close friend from Ontario Shores, who had once given Megan a painting that symbolized her strength, died by suicide. Losing that friend was incredibly difficult. However, it reminded Megan of why she needed to keep going—not only for herself, but for that friend, for her parents, and for her sister who always made her smile. To keep going for everyone who truly cared about her. Megan allowed the memory of that friend to motivate her to keep moving forward and to continue giving support to others who need it.

During her Grade 12 year, Megan transitioned to Kinark’s outpatient program. She credits that ongoing support after discharge as very important for her recovery journey. Up until early 2025, as her 18th birthday approached, Megan reconnected with the same psychotherapist who had been with her since she was 12 – who had always adapted her support to suit the needs at each stage of Megan’s journey.

Today, Megan is inspired to give back by telling her story so others will seek the help they need. She knows she has a strong support network. And although her journey at Ontario Shores had difficult moments, the inspiration and support Megan received there showed her a new way of living.